Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. (Psalm 51:10)

He Who began a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.  (Philippians 1: 6)

One of my roles as a psychologist is disaster mental health with the Red Cross.  I have walked through many piles of rubble after a tornado or a fire has hit, devastating lives.  I recall one day after a tornado hit my town, I was watching the worried but determined faces on the tops of their bodies fiercely in motion, removing the debris, piece by piece. They sorted through the rubble as they worked, sometimes spying a small treasure left of their earthly possessions.

God often speaks to me in certain life moments, showing me, “This is like…”

On this day, I saw in a flash that I was witnessing the natural order of things.  Dig out, then clean out, THEN rebuild.

How often in life do we attempt to violate that logical process?  We experience a significant loss, then try to run ahead to rebuild, trying to quickly remove the pain without doing the necessary preparation for the next phase of our lives. Look around you – hopefully not in your own household – and witness the results of that violation.

Take romantic relationships, for example.  A relationship comes crashing down, and someone runs for another one, thinking this will fix it all.  That’s what affairs and rebound relationships are made of, and their consequences are notoriously painful.

A tragedy and great loss occurs.  The individual tries to ignore the pain, stay superbly busy, or even become fanatical about some cause that is related to the loss.  No, God’s way is first to feel and deal with the pain, then slowly dig out of the rubble of grief.  When the time gradually becomes right, the discovery of renewed meaning and purpose and a “new normal” way of living evolves.

Dig out, clean out, THEN rebuild.

First, face the pain of the loss.  If you don’t, it will come back on you later or break through at the most inopportune times.  Clean out – yourself.  Fearlessly face you and how you might have done things differently – not to beat yourself up but to plan for the future.  If it’s the end of a relationship, be willing to examine how you contributed to its demise (yes, you did), and take the time to learn better ways.  Read, pray, get some professional help…learn.  Otherwise, you will repeat the same mistakes over and over.  Don’t rush it.  Clean-up takes time.

What would happen if you rebuilt a structure over the splinters of a former destroyed structure?  We know better – but sometimes we don’t do better.

Reflect today on ways you may have short-circuited God’s healing work in you by skipping over necessary work of the soul.  When there is too much left-over debris in there, infection tends to fester, and the healing is blocked.

It’s not too late.  God is patient, and He has been just waiting for you to stop, be still, take a courageous look, get help, and do the work that leads you to wholeness.  That’s what God wants for you, and He will lovingly lead you through the painstaking process of digging out, cleaning up, and REBUILDING a meaningful life!

O Lord, thank You for your tireless work within us.  I thank You that nothing can happen in our lives that takes You by surprise and that You are committed to doing a complete work of healing and wholeness within us.  I thank You that when life hits, Your plans for us are not thwarted.  I thank You that You walk with us and within us as we dig out from the rubble, clean up, and rebuild.

Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. (I Peter 4: 10)

I spoke at an Addictions Conference a while back, and after the conference, one of the sponsors hosted a delicious barbeque.  I happened to sit by a winsome fellow who related the story of an old doc, himself in recovery, who had a unique way of bringing his alcoholic or addict patients out of their deadly denial and into the recognition of the need for change.  He asked them two questions.  First, he posed, “If you had hired a manager whose job it was to manage your life, and your life was in the shape it’s in, would you fire the manager?”  After the obvious reply, he then asked, “Since you have been the manager of your life, and you have made such a mess of it, isn’t it time to turn it over to God and to get the help you need?”

God has made us stewards over all aspects of our lives, our talents, and the resources that have been entrusted to us.  A steward is not an owner, but rather is a manager – a person given authority by the owner to faithfully look after and take care of the owner’s resources.  The steward is not free to squander the money and possessions of the owner on careless personal living or on pursuits that would be foreign to the owner’s values and desires.

We fiercely value freedom to “do as we please.”  However, that is a devilish false concept.  We are entrusted with all of the experiences of our lives – yes, even those.  The question is, will we choose wisely, and will we put what we have learned to work in service to others?  Or, will the experiences be wasted?  We work and earn money and buy things.  Is it, then, our money?  I answer that question with another one: who gave us the health, opportunities, and talents to do our work?

Some may have been given more than others to work with, but all of us are responsible and accountable for what we have. Our Lord has been more than generous in providing us with so many gifts of grace –  His undeserved, unearned favor. Everything we have is earmarked for the purpose of its owner – and that Owner is not you or me.

So as I rode home from that “chance encounter” (not) that day, I pondered the old doc’s two-part test.  We don’t have to be struggling with addiction to have some areas of our lives that we have mismanaged, mostly because of the failure to respect and say an unqualified “yes” to the Owner.  We are managers – simply managers – of ourselves, our money, our possessions, our spheres of influence.  We are created for a purpose.  God has lovingly given us opportunities.  They are gifts.  We really do not own them, and no, we really don’t own ourselves.  We’ve simply been given the privilege of managing them.  We are accountable for how we do so.

So…looking at my own life, if “My Boss” were behaving only with “justice,” would I be able to keep my manager job?

Food for thought that could give me heartburn.

My Lord, my Owner, please forgive me when I have squandered the talents and resources You have entrusted to me.  Holy Spirit, please work with me in the moment to inspire me to responsibly manage the time, money, talents, and all resources that I have.  I want all of my life to count for Your purposes, O God. I deeply want to be a faithful steward.

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.  (Hebrews 11:1)

A few years ago Judy Denson and I wrote a book called Kidspiration:  Out of the Mouths of Babes. As I begin to write this morning, one of my favorite of these true stories about kids pops into my head.

*******

George’s mom instructed, “Go wash your hands, Son.”

“Why?” five-year-old George whined.

“Because you have germs on them, and dinner is ready.”

George headed down the hall, mumbling under his breath:  “Germs and Jesus, germs and Jesus – that’s all I ever hear, and I haven’t ever seen either one of them!”

******

Is it difficult for you to take a “leap of faith” toward something you believe in your heart you are supposed to do? If you could just see and be guaranteed of the outcome…

But that’s not the way it works.  When God is gently nudging you or maybe even poking you in the ribs about a move from your comfort zone, you don’t get all the answers.  You aren’t able to clearly see all the steps down the road.

However, if there is a dream that just won’t die within you – it just may be God.  If there’s a call that gets louder and louder as random people’s words and seemingly unrelated situations seem to remind you of it – you may be hearing the voice of God. If, when you are in your stillest moments with God, and you focus on that possibility, and your heart within you beats a little faster – it just may be God.

You can’t see it all now; you don’t get that luxury.  Besides, that would require no faith. You could just SELF-confidently go about implementing your plan.  (Not gonna work!)

But if it’s God, and if the time is now, there will be a small step right in front of you.  Take that one.  Then more light will shine so that you can take the next.  .

If God is calling you to it, He will show you the way through it. 

O Lord, give us courage to move out of our comfort zones and to trust You.  Give us Your faith when ours falters. Provide us Your insights when Your call puts us in way over our heads.  Help us not to panic when we cannot see, but to cling tightly to Your loving and steady Hand.  We have faith in YOU, Lord – not in ourselves.  We can’t SEE You, but we certainly experience You. Our faith is only in You!

God is Love.  (I John 4:8)

“Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”

Many of us sang that sweet song to the top of our little lungs in Sunday School.  But how many of us really KNOW it? Do you?

Oh, sure, we give lip service to God being Love and all that.  But then old thinking sabotages the experience of it. His Loving is nonstop, nonstop.  However, secretly we question whether He’s angry with us now, since we just messed up – AGAIN. We pull away, afraid to approach Him.  But He’s right there – waiting, Loving.  However, we may not feel it because we hide from Him.

(A quick BTW, you may notice in my writings what seems to be a typo.  No, I always capitalize the L in Love when I am talking about God’s Love.  It deserves a capital!)

I remember when I was a little girl squirming on the pew while my Daddy preached.  I was a little bitty thing, but I remember at times being afraid that God was mad at me for some unknown “sin” that I must have committed that week.  Now I had exercised “the faith of a little child” in coming to Christ early in life, and I had a very loving father (though he was not on this earth nearly long enough).  Yet I had not yet learned for myself about the tender and uninterrupted flow of Love from God.

That would only come over the years, when I really did give God every chance to be mad with me.  Though I wandered from His beaten path many times and made many mistakes, He persistently Loved!  He chased me with mercy and grace, and He kept drawing me back to Himself.  I learned by experience that He Loves me no more on my best-behavior days, and He Loves me no less in my worst ones.  

Does God sometimes allow us to experience the natural consequences of dumb actions?  Yes, He often does when we won’t listen and change.  But He does that in Love.  The scripture reminds us that God, like any good earthly parent, disciplines those He loves.  He wants us to have the best life, and He hurts when we are sabotaging that possibility.  He wants only good for us, and sometimes Loving discipline teaches us how to get it.

But here’s the bottom line…

When you are in Christ, all your mistakes have been paid for completely.  In Love, God provided that for you.

If you don’t yet know the Lord personally, you can know that He is reaching out to you and drawing you to Him in Love.  He is waiting to embrace you and to welcome you into His family.

My own life journey has been a long one, with many ups and downs – many of the downs of my own making.  But the good news for you and for me is, God ALWAYS loves us.  Like the loving father in the Prodigal Son story, God runs to meet us and to bear hug us any time we take a step toward Him in response to the magnetic pull of His loving call.

My story is your story.  God does not play favorites.  Our circumstances may be different, but God’s Love for us is the same.  No matter how far off God’s plan you go, you cannot put yourself out of His awareness and His Love for you.  He accepts you in Christ, and He wants you to become your very best.  You are His beloved.  He wants to communicate with you every day.  He treasures you.

God IS Love.  He cannot be anything else.

He Loves you.  He really Loves you!

O, my Lord, the way You Love me takes my breath away!  Thank You, thank You, thank You! 

And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, Who has been given to us. (Romans 5: 2-5)

A magnificent process of transformation unfolds when, in suffering, you turn to God instead of away from Him. When you rely on, cling to, and trust in the God Who loves you infinitely and eternally, you discover over time that you have most surely been changed.  You are not the person you were before.  You have become stronger, more compassionate about others’ hurts, and more useful on thIS planet.  

In my book and video series, This Wasn’t Supposed to Happen to Me, I assert that trauma and tragedy always produce a crisis of faith.  They will either make your faith stronger, or they will make it weaker. In fact, adversity will either make you stronger, or it will make you weaker.

The deciding vote is yours. Which will it be for you?

And just how does a positive transformation take place? Like most significant changes, it comes in stages.

First, adversity and sufferings produce perseverance. Perseverance is more than “endurance,” which, by the way, can be an accomplishment at some points.  Just keep breathing and endure – big deal when you are in great pain. But God’s work takes that achievement even further.  Perseverance means not only to endure but to keep going, keep functioning, stay in action.  I’m reminded of the blistering heat of a couple of summertime half-marathons in my fairly recent history.  You feel you can’t breathe and move another inch, but you keep picking up one foot and then the other, “pickin’ ’em up and puttin’ ’em down.”  That’s perseverance.

That perseverance over time yields proven character – a character that develops and matures in the test and is found to be solid.  This is a character with integrity reveals no cracks when painfully exposed in the crucible of suffering.  After undergoing the scrutiny and pressure of opportunities to run away to unhealthy escapes, to curse God, or to just lie down and quit – this approved character stands solid – in Him.

That character of integrity then brings us back full circle to HOPE – the confident expectation of good.  No, this is not some rose-colored-glasses-Polyanna-type optimism.  This hope is firmly grounded in a covenant relationship with an all-powerful, all-loving, all-faithful God.

When you have “been through it,” and when you have experienced the unfailing Hand and Love of God every step of the way, you know you are on firm footing.  Oh, your own independent steps may again falter, but our God never does. More adversity may come as long as we are in this human skin and reside in this fallen world, but we will never walk it alone.  Our own strength may fail us, but His never does.

Because of all of this, we can rejoice IN sufferings (not because of them). We can do this because of God’s Spirit of Love Who is within us and Who will never leave.

Because of all of this, we can move into the rest of our lives filled with HOPE and the knowledge that God will use EVERYTHING for good when we love Him and are called according to His purpose!

Thank You, Lord, for Your Presence, no matter what.  Thank You for Your transforming power that takes the worst of experiences and uses them as tools to help us grow in You.  O Lord, I hand to You my failures, my frustrations, and my pain.  You, Jesus paid for them all, and I receive Your Love and Your comfort.  I invite You to mold me, Lord.  In the midst of adversity, renew my mind and transform me into Your image.  I want to be more like You. And I never want to waste suffering!

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ., through Whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.  And not only this, we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance, proven character, and hope.  And hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who was given to us.  (Romans 5: 1-5)

HOPE:  The confident expectation of good.

How can you have this hope when tragedy, trauma, and enduring pain take your breath away?

Paul writes to the Romans that because of God’s grace and our faith in all He is and our acceptance of all He has provided for us, we can exult, “boast,” in the glory (praise) of God.  We can know even when our hearts are torn in two that He will be absolutely faithful to bring us through it when we desperately cling to him and if we trust in Him.

He goes on to say something that looks very weird at first glance.  He says we can also exult in our tribulations and sufferings.  What??  Is he advocating some kind of masochism?  Who would be glad to be going through intense pain and heartache?

Paul is saying, “Take the longer view of this. This is hurting now, but God is up to something in your life.  He will take what you are going through and produce strength and character within you that would have been virtually impossible to develop in happier times.”  (More about that tomorrow.)

Does this mean that God caused this tragedy to happen?  I don’t purport to know all of God’s plans.  Sometimes He sees into the future as we don’t, and He intervenes.  However, though God is caught off guard by nothing, often in these tragic situations, God was not the initiator at all.  Satan can inspire others to actions that rob you of people or of things precious.  We live in a fallen world, and we are not immune from its troubles.  God has promised to straighten all this in another season in our earth’s history when Jesus will return and reign.  But for now, we live in this world as it is.  However, as believers, we have spiritual resources, potential peace beyond human understanding, and the confident expectation of ultimate good.  It’s called HOPE.

Romans 8:28 sums it up:  “For we know God causes ALL things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”  

No, not “all things ARE good,” but He miraculously takes us through the process of turning even the most difficult of events FOR our good IF we love Him and remain true to our calling to purpose in Him.

Does all the pain go away?  God is our Jehovah Rapha, our Healer.  However, sometimes pain over the deepest losses does not completely go away.  Yes, as you work through the grief process, the overwhelming intensity subsides over time so that you can function, but pain is still there.  However, when the tsunami of grief gets triggered again, you can still have HOPE in the One Who does not waver in His commitment to you.  He is at work – even now..

O Lord, I yield everything to You.  Everything.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through Whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, Who has been given to us. (Romans 5: 1-5)

Oh, the Apostle Paul said a mouthful in this letter to the Romans!  As I mediate on it this morning, I hardly know where to start writing.  I reflect on the suffering of the past days as I have walked with my son through the tragic loss of his long-time girlfriend, and I feel his deep pain in my gut all over again.  But despair is not among the emotions I feel – but rather hope! How can that be?  How can suffering lead to hope? Let’s take a few days and let that process settle down within our souls, for we will need to know it and apply it over and over throughout our lives. Life is like that.

The foundation for the process of transforming suffering into hope?  It’s an established peace with God through His grace because of our faith in Christ.  (See the beginning of that scripture.) Suffering cannot shake the solid knowing Whose you are and the determined standing on His unchanging faithfulness.  Yes, even while you have been knocked down, you can stand. 

This is much easier to do when you go into the trial with that relationship.  However, even if you don’t have it going in, you can desperately cry out to God and yield your being and all your pain to Him.  He will absolutely say “YES!” to your invitation for Him to take over, help you through it, and do through you what you cannot do on your own.

Our God is faithful.  He has not been caught off guard, though you may have.  He is not puzzled about your future; He has a plan.  Others may have abandoned you intentionally or left in death, but God never will.  You may be reeling from what life has handed you, but God is not.  His Love is unfailing and unstoppable.  Just open yourself to Him, and watch a most remarkable process of transformation unfold.

O my Lord, You know all.  You see the beginning from the end.  Though we do not understand why many things happen in life, we know that You are WITH us and You will NEVER forsake us.  We trust and rely on You – in Who You are and on what You will do in us and through us when we open ourselves to Your Spirit’s work.  Comfort and heal, Lord – please.

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. (I Peter 1: 6-7)

For His grace is sufficient… (II Corinthians 12:9)

Tragedy has again struck for our family.  I never want to go through another year like this past one. I apologize for no devotional yesterday morning and no explanation.

I received a horrific call about 5:00 A.M. Thursday morning.  My son’s girlfriend of about 10 years had just been found and pulled from the lake at his home.  She had been missing when he came home from work the evening before, and the sheriff called the boats to search.  The autopsy results have not been released, but we know she had been sunbathing on a floating raft.  Neighbors say she was on the raft for hours.  The most likely cause of death – a heat stroke or something related to the scorching sun. At this point we have no definitive answers..

As soon as I got the news, I rushed to be with my son at his home some 30 minutes away. I had not known about the search all night – just my son, her parents, and her son were there through the grueling hours of watching those search lights.on the water.

What does a mother say to a deeply grieving son?  There’s nothing to say that can make it all better.  You just hug, and you hug, and you cry, and you cry some more.  You want so badly to take the pain away – but once again this year, as it was with my daughter when we lost my oldest grandson, I was powerless to do what I desperately wanted to do.  I could not change what had happened, and I could not make it not hurt.  You just hold your loved ones. You talk when they want to talk, you’re quiet when they want to be quiet, and you pray. And you pray.

Trials – they do come in life to all of us.  We were never promised that they wouldn’t.  It seems that sometimes they just keep on coming.  So what do you do when tragedy strikes all over again? How do you make it through another heartache when other have not healed?

You do what you did the first time (my accident) and the second time (Joseph’s death), and now the third and all the others before.

You TRUST that God will comfort and heal and strengthen and meet every need.

You KNOW in your stillness that the Holy Spirit will be present with your “child” and other when you can’t.

You CLING to the Lord when the world seems to be slipping all around you.  .

You REST in the confidence that God is Who He says He is, and He will do what He says He will do.

You DRAW ON the Reservoir of strength and grace that is so much wider and deeper than anything you could ever muster on your own.

You STAND STILL, and see the salvation of the Lord.

O Lord, were it not for you, we could not make it through the trials of this world.  You are our Source, our very present Help in times of trouble.  Lord, please comfort my son and her parents and her son.  May they feel Your Presence as they never have before.  I pray Your comfort and grace for every reader who is going through heartache.  Lord, grant us all Your Peace that far exceeds our understanding.  We receive your beautiful grace all over again.  I love You, Lord, and I trust You.

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If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.  (Romans 12: 18)

Embedded in the passage we considered yesterday is this powerful and practical nugget.  It reveals a principle for what to do when you are in a relationship situation in which peace is elusive.

Too often when you and I are having trouble getting along with someone, we store up a memory bank of their offenses.  I might add that we sometimes drag them out and parade them around when we need to score points in an argument. What does this resolve?

At other times we convince ourselves that “we didn’t start it,” so we steam in determined silence, waiting for the other person to come and apologize.  How does that help?

To make matters a little worse, we convince ourselves that we are relieved of the responsibility of going to the person and trying to make things right because “it wouldn’t do any good anyway.”  What’s the likelihood you will ever be at peace – even within yourself?

As much as is possible, as far as it depends on you…

You and I are not responsible for the other person’s behaviors and choices.  “Whew, that’s a relief!”  But not so fast.  We are responsible for our own – no matter what the other person decides to do or what attitude he/she displays.

“But you just don’t know her…”

“But I know how he would react…”

There’s no “but” in this scriptural instruction.  If some positive action remains that you could do, some attitude is seen in you that needs an adjustment, or your negative knee-jerk keeps surfacing – that falls within the realm of your responsibility. God is in the process of cleaning you up and making you whole.  Sometimes He uses your responses to negative people to bring to your attention those parts inside you that need a little work.

If you are focused on how that other person made you respond that way, you risk missing the lesson.  And when you miss the lesson, you will probably have to retake that lesson – maybe even the class! You may change work situations or marriages or friendships, but “that same person” will probably keep showing up until you have allowed the Holy Spirit to change you!

Save yourself some time and frustration.  Surrender to the Spirit’s leading and His work within you.  Allow Him to produce in you the Fruit that lead to peace – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  In this difficult relationship, allow the Love of Christ to be on display. Offer up your prideful ego and stubborn vengefulness in exchange for the blessing of being at peace with God, with yourself, and – as much as possible – with others.

Will you always be able to bring about a peaceful resolution and a happy relationship with another person?  No, not always.  But none of the reason for the problem should be coming from your corner.

When it comes to resolving a problem in a relationship, follow the advice I gave in Chapter 10 of my book, This Wasn’t Supposed to Happen to Me.  Take responsibility, defined like this:

“Doing all you can, with all you have, where you are, right now.”

Be at peace with everyone, as much as possible, as much it depends on you!

Lord, please show me where I am mistaken in the problems I encounter with people.  Help me to rise above the negative attitudes I encounter and to keep my eyes on You.  Help me never to sink into the mire and contribute to the ongoing nastiness.  As much as is possible, Lord, I want to be at peace with everyone.  Please show me what I am to do, and I’m willing to do it.