PRACTICE THE SOFT, STRONG ANSWER

A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger. (Proverbs 15: 1)

I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with long-suffering, forbearing one another in love; endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4: 1-3)

Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. (Ephesians 4: 29-32)

Among the first lessons I learned in psychology grad school was how to deal with a counseling client who’s upset and yelling.  The human tendency when a person becomes loud is to attempt to get louder, a tactic guaranteed to escalate the conflict rather than calming it down.  No, if you want someone to begin to stop yelling, you lower your voice almost to a whisper.  It’s hard to maintain loud volume when the other person is speaking very softly.  A while back I had a bad case of laryngitis, and I noticed this principle at work.  People were speaking softly to me!  (You’re welcome for the tip!)

A person who habitually yells is having difficulty with self-control.  No strong person is undisciplined and out of control. If you have to prove your power with a loud tone of voice, you don’t possess confidence in your proper authority.  You’re trying to prove your power with aggression and intimidation.  Genuine power does not require one to become overpowering.

On the other hand, the individual with a steadfast mind who chooses to respond calmly, factually, and respectfully is a person with God-given strength.  This individual’s renewed mind does not react without thinking.  Rather, the wise person practices the pause for creative withdrawal,  the deliberation about long-term outcomes, and intentional choices of words and actions. Well-considered words spoken firmly but softly are attention-grabbers.

You don’t have to yell to make your point.  Quiet confidence in the Lord is reserved for the strong.

I want to become stronger and stronger in You, Lord.  Holy Spirit, temper my words and actions, for I have nothing to prove.  You’ve already proven it all.